I wish, I could

Tears of Night
1.08 AM

6 of Feb, Company's End Sales Dinner at the Oriental Banquet. The night all Finno and everyone was there to celebrate together with the celebration of Chinese New Year. Therefore, the dressing title of the night was Chinese Dressing 'Tong Zhong'.

A great night where everyone celebrate together. Some how, when the presentation award time, I really hope I'm one of them. I was so ready to get the MDRT club for FYP 50,000. But just a betray, not my club, the planning were destroyed.



I know things already happened and the fact cannot be change. Keeping the tears behind the smile, hiding the sadness behind the laughter. Who knows? Nobody will get it but only me. I'm glad, I'm cheer when people ask, but I'm tired, I'm numb, to answer the questions. I share my happiness, many people around me if their understand me, they know I'm a cheerful person. So sorry you'r wrong, I only share my happiness, but I keep my sadness without a word on my person when having a conversation. I keep my problems, I keep my questions. I don;t really hope when I share my sadness, dragging others to feel my sadness. I rather people share to feel my happiness. You might see me cheerful, you might see me playful, but how much do you know me or get to understand me? Nope. I take things seriously. No matter how much, or how heavy the sadness is, I still carrying the tall heavy pillar. Nobody could help me. Is not I don't wan to speak with my friends, even I did, they can't do anything. Is not I don't speak with my family, cause I understand my family well, they can't solve my problems but advice road path that I already know what they going to say. Yes, I kept my problems deeply without able to letting them go. Is not That I don't wan to, is I don't know how to let go. Help me? Somebody?

I wish I could, I really wish. February 14 is coming soon, and I can't even afford a trip for you my love. I know you don't mind, but I mind. I don't wan't people to compare and say anything about our relationship road path, I really hope I can be the one who no one could able to compare with. Honestly speaking, yes, I did brought you a present which is aren't cheap. My account left not much, needed to use to survive for the rest of my day. I have money, but they are not in my hand yet. I able to cover my dept, but I really trying hard to save my money. I do wish I could travel like the others friends of mine, but I really can't.





A nigh, where nobody know how deep I am. I was mad, I was sad, but I can't really accept. I know is stupid, but I don't know how. I really like to let go my problems, but I don't know how......Help......?

1.52AM